I recently realized that I never really had a concrete ideal of what success even meant for me, let alone how to measure it. Within these last few months, beginning roughly in August ‘22, I have been doing a good amount of self-work with the intention of healing, growing, evolving, etc.
I have visions and ideas of the person I want to be and the life that I see happening for myself one day. And I had to have a real conversation with myself and admit that, the way that I move right now, will not get me to the life that I envision for myself. Period. That’s just what it was. That’s just what it is.
I had to recognize that for myself. In order for me to embody that woman that I see in my plans, she needs me do some intentional work, develop some better habits, began working through the pain and trauma that is influencing my unhealthy ways of being, shift my mindsets, let go of anything that is not adding to me, all of that good stuff! If I continue to move the same, then I will more than likely stay within close parameters of where I already am. The same things will continue to get in my way and, of course, I will allow them to.
So first I took some time to lay out the behaviors, patterns, reactions, etc. that needed to be addressed. For instance, my struggles with discipline + consistency. My trigger response of shutting down and not articulating my feelings in a healthy manner, or not expressing them at all. My stubborn habit of not being willing to apologize. Not keeping my word and holding myself accountable and then tearing myself down for not doing what I said I would do. Yes, the whole nine. All of these examples were keeping me in a place of comfort that will only allow me to stay there. If I wanted more, I had to get out of it.
I learned that measuring my success became based on my progress. The progression of me developing and applying what I learn about the things that work for me and the things that do not. I realized that I would define productivity as being booked and busy, completing a bundle of tasks, and ultimately being worn out. However, I began to redefine what productivity was for me. I set small goals, daily to-do lists and would work to complete the small things that would lead to the building of reaching a bigger goal by the end of the week. That was being productive.
It took some time, but once I figured it out, it was game time. The idea of trying to compile a bunch of different things into one day is honestly draining and does nothing but cause temporary overload of trying to do too much that will lead to you falling off the wagon. Then it becomes about you falling off the wagon and you being hard on yourself because of it. Now it is hard to even attempt to get back into the groove because you know this cycle will probably happen again.
Yes, you is me. Me is you. That is the cycle that I had to learn so I could address it and figure out what I can do that will work for me long term, not a temporary routine that will only put me into a rut that would hinder any level of progress. Progress. Progress is the measure.
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